People ask me if I love someone. I do laugh, shake my head, and say no, love isn't my thing. What else am I supposed to say? How do I explain that there is a person who has become so woven into my soul that I find traces of him everywhere? How do I tell them that he exists in every prayer I whisper, every dream I chase, every song that suddenly feels too personal, every quiet moment when my heart is left alone with itself? People around me hears my answer, But my heart knows the truth. Yes, I love someone. I love you. I love you in ways that words have never been able to hold. I love you in the little things and in the impossible things. I love you in my reality, and I love you in the futures that only exist inside my imagination. I carry you with me through ordinary days and sleepless nights, through laughter and loneliness, through moments when I feel strong and moments when I completely fall apart. And the most painful part is that nobody knows. Nobody knows how often I wonder if you have eaten, if you are sleeping enough, if you are happy, if you are okay. Nobody knows how many conversations I've had with you inside my head because I couldn't have them in real life. Nobody knows how many times I've reached for you in my thoughts when the world became too heavy. I don't want everyone to know how much I love you. I just want you to know.

I want you to know that there is someone who would choose you in every version of her existence. You are the bane of my existence and the object of all my desires. I burn for you, my heart calls your name. Someone who has loved you so quietly, so completely, that she no longer remembers who she was before her heart learned your name. Because somewhere between loving you and longing for you, I lost myself.

And strangely, I never wanted to be found. All I have ever wanted is for you to look at me one day and realize that there was a heart beating for you all along. A heart that never asked for perfection. A heart that never asked for promises. A heart that only ever asked to be chosen by the person it chose first.

People says grief is another from of love. If we love,we must greive. That's the pact . I hope this grief stays with me.

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